For my very first blog of the new year, I’m taking a (very!) tongue in cheek look at what 2022 might hold for us all… and I must state that of course I’m keeping everything crossed that we can finally wave goodbye to Covid-19 this year and get back to living our lives normal! But for now, let’s kick off with a very silly look at what life might be life in 2022. what we could look forward to in spring ‘22…
Boris Johnson announces that he will be riding the favourite in the Cheltenham Gold Cup at this year’s festival. No 10 staff are quick to deny reports that this news has only been announced to distract the public from the news that he held a shooting weekend at Chequers during lockdown. Boris himself goes on the record to say that Carrie’s Instagram post of a game pie came from Deliveroo and wasn’t made by her. Boris is later seen riding out in Lambourn to bolster his story, but on a good weight-carrying cob (and on the lead rein) rather than the latest Nicky Henderson stable superstar.
Now that all restrictions are finally lifted on our lives, and Boris Johnson announces No.10-style garden parties for everyone to mark the occasion, British people rush to check their weather apps to make plans for the months ahead. The forecast for June, July and August is for back-to-back gloomy skies and rain with average temperatures of a measly 16 degrees Celsius. How very British. The Queen’s platinum jubilee is a repeat of the £12 million diamond jubilee celebrations which saw the queen having to endure the wettest of British summer days. Brits eventually give up on outdoor activities and head indoors for a self-imposed summer lockdown to avoid the rain and mud.
The cost-of-living crisis means that petrol is now so expensive that horse owners are able to rent out their horses to local commuters for £25 a day. Horse owners across the land celebrate finally having enough money to go on exotic holidays like ‘normal’ people, and non-horsey folk finally understand why passing wide and slow is a big thing in the equestrian world… Sales of high-vis rocket and Shetland ponies start to creep onto more children’s Christmas lists than ever before. Have these people ever seen the Thelwell cartoons?!
Christmas 2022 approaches and there are rumours of another Covid-19 variant emerging in the USA. Just when we all thought life was completely back to normal, people begin to panic about one final lockdown and going back to square 1. Thankfully, ‘the Losercron variant’ turns out to be a political stunt by Donald Trump as he launches his bid to be re-elected as President of the USA. The world rejoices, Trump is placed in Florida exile, and everyone has a much happier Christmas than they’ve had for 3 whole years…